Let me lament. Let me feel the weight of this moment. Don’t push me towards a resolution to make you feel better. Because pain is a part of life, and so is disappointment and loss. You taught me that mourning should be swift and silent. You taught me that mourning isn’t always an appropriate subject and it must be for the appropriate object. My head heard this but it couldn’t convince my heart it was true.
I need to sit in a cathedral and eulogize my loss. I need to speak it out loud and write it in black and white. When I silence my loss I swallow it and it sits in my throat begging to be drowned. Sit quietly with me. Be patient. Joy comes in the morning but tonight I am still mourning.
Hold my hand to teach me that God sees my pain and cares enough to sit in my darkness. Soon I will be ready to see the light streaming in through the cracks in my hard stone walls. But tonight I am here with my eyes closed purging the weight of my emotions. Let me lament.